A Healthy Dose of Fear is a GOOD THING... And a False Sense of Security Can be Fatal

The other day I found myself talking to a really nice Latino guy from Southern California, who wants to order a water machine. I told him I thought it was great that he was being so pro-active about his health, and turning things around before he started to run into real problems. Sooo many people wait till the last minute, and then it ends up costing them a fortune to turn things around.

I've started to notice a trend among Latino / Hispanic men (in the US), that they tend not to wait, to turn things around, to take care of their health. I've spoken with hundreds of people, and can't even think of a single time I've talked to a Latino / Hispanic man who got really sick, or died, from liver failure (I'm not saying it's never happened, but I honestly just can't think of a time I've seen it).

I started to wonder why that is.

Maybe this is just a theory, and I know some people might think I'm generalizing, or doing some kind of "racial profiling," but I can't help but I can't help thinking there are 2 reasons for this...

1) A lot of Latino / Hispanic men are extremely hard working.  Because they are often raised poor, or because they couldn't speak perfect English, they felt they had to settle for minimum wage jobs (and even if they could speak perfect English, there is a good chance that they were raised by someone who couldn't, who instilled in them the feeling that they still had to work extra hard).  The person who feels that they can't make the same income as someone else, will feel that they have to work twice as hard (I can relate to this because I don't have a college degree). They are so used to working hard, that if you tell them it's going to be a lot of work, to a condition (like Cirrhosis) around, it's like it doesn't even phase them. Because they're  prepared to work hard, and just do what it takes, without complaining.

Whereas, there are a lot of other people who... if you tell them they're going to have to work hard, to turn their condition around, it's like they just can't believe it, or they'd rather whine and complain about it, than actually do something about it. I used to help homeowners facing foreclosure, and when I would go door knocking, my favorite doors to knock on were the people who had Hispanic last names. I knew they'd be the least likely to complain, and they were always very polite and appreciative of any help you might be offering.

2) Latino / Hispanic men have got to be the least likely people to walk around with a false sense of security. They tend not to let their guards down, as much as other people. They fully understand that they need to look out after themselves, because they can't expect the government or anyone else to look out after them. They're watching their own backs more than anyone else. And I think that is the smartest and the healthiest way to go!

So many of us, who grew up in the US, walk around with a false sense of security (I am just as guilty of this as anyone). Like, we really do believe that the government is going to take care of us, and that doctors are looking out for us, and they really do have our best interests at heart.

I had to learn the hard way, that I was living in Lala land, thinking that. There is NOBODY who can look out for you, better than YOU can. So many doctors turned out to be looking out for themselves, more than they were looking out for my husband. 

And I hear this happening all the time. People tell me story after story, about how doctors seem to be making them more and more sick. Many doctors will actually encourage a patient to get MORE sick, in the hospital, so that they can be qualified to receive a liver transplant, even if they don't have a suitable donor yet! 

Over the last 10 years I have done a lot of animal rescue volunteer work, and in the process I ended up adopting some cats. One of my favorite cats of all time is a feral cat whom I'll call Mr. D.  He was about 2 years old when I got him, so he'd lived the first 2 years of his life having to look for his own food and watch out for himself. 

When I first got Mr. D., he was very scared and shy, and mistrustful of people. But eventually he could see that I wasn't going to hurt him, and I really did just want to provide him a good home. It was like he was always questioning, "Are you really going to let me live here, and keep feeding me?"  It was like, he just DID NOT expect anything from the world, or from anyone, period.

By contrast, I had 2 other cats that I'd had since they were kittens. And they had a sense of "entitlement" that Mr. D did not have at all. When I'd feed my other cats, the "entitled" ones would all run to their bowls and start woofing down their food, while Mr. D. would kind of look up at me, like, "Are you sure this is for me?" Like, he just did not expect anyone to be looking out for him, because he wasn't raised to believe anyone ever would.

I'd say that, out of the cats I've ever had, Mr. D. is the smartest, and the healthiest. Yes, he is moderately mistrustful... even of me, when I've had him for over 10 years. But I don't mind... I view it as a good thing.  I recently heard about a guy who was a serial cat killer in my area. He went right up to different cats in the neighborhood, that were just lying around on the sidewalks or in front of their homes, and nabbed them. And I thought, there is no way in hell he would have been able to nab Mr. D like that.   He would have stayed fall the hell away from him! 


Anyway, I wanted to share this, because I've seen two people pass away from cirrhosis in the last week, and it is utterly heartbreaking for me. In both cases, there was an instance where the person (who was doing the caretaking) thought everything was ok, because their loved one was getting better, so they let their guard down a little, and stopped doing the same level of work that they'd done in the beginning, to get them to that level. 

Now, I want to make it clear, it is not these peoples' FAULTS, that their loved ones died. Because they were on the path to die, anyway. In both cases, the doctors said they were going to die, and that there was basically no hope. 

But they had loved ones who stepped in, and they worked very hard to get back on track... and their loved ones started improving!  But then, once they started improving, their loved ones felt that it was probably ok to relax a little. And they let their guards down, just a little, before their loved ones were "out of the woods." And then their loved ones started getting sick again. And things got out of control, and they died. 

Again, I want to emphasize that it's not their loved ones' FAULTS that they died. Because it is HUMAN NATURE, to let your guard down a little. We all have a very strong need to "breathe normally." Living in a slight state of fear means you have extra stress hormones running through your body, and this probably isn't good for your system. We are not designed to provide round the clock care for others, 24 hours a day. It's just not natural to  have to step in and take care of a loved one's every need, all day long, every day, for months on end.  

And this is why I try to warn people... please, if you are able to turn your health around so that you never have to rely on someone else to take care of you... please DO IT.  Because your loved one, who tried to step in and save you, is always going to feel like they should have done more. But it really wasn't their job to save you... it was yours. Don't ever think the Doctors are going to take care of your every need. Don't rely on your insurance. Don't rely on your parents. Don't rely on your wife or sister or brother or kids. Rely on YOURSELF, more than anyone!

So I want to say THANK YOU to all the people out there (especially all you Latino guys), who are pro-active about their health, and do what they can, to make sure they never get sick to the point where someone else has to try to save their life at the very last minute. In the case of cirrrhosis, it really is like, an ounce of prevention is worth 10 pounds of cure.